Kiran and Shaan's World

SPY VS SPY (EPISODE 1)

Tuesday. 08.21.07. Thirteen hundred hours. I have successfully infiltrated Omega Sector. Over the course of the last few weeks, I have spent countless hours—entire days, even—in preparation for this mission. The careful transmission of multiple electronic mail messages to people on “the inside,” the establishment of a plausible cover (“lunch”), and careful analysis of the enemy’s behavioral patterns have paved the way for what will prove to be my most ambitious espionage operation yet.

But upon entering the compound, I’ve been spotted by an Omega operative (Doh!), despite my camouflage—a couch. Having been detected and my mission compromised, I shall have to abort immediately, however…

[TO BE CONTINUED]

“Mmmm…tell me in my good ear. What’s that? I’m fabulous? Don’t you think I know that? Oh Suri, you’re such a card. You’re positively delicious.” – Kiran 

I’m so tired of the old-fashioned style rhetoric put forth by traditionalists like Tutenkhamen and Ramesses II. I much prefer the new-school mummies, who know a good beat when they hear one and can throw on a pair of aviators and hang till 4 a.m. at the drop of a hat. – Kiran

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror I get confused and think I’m looking at Brad Pitt. A lot of women seem to make that mistake too. Hmm, so weird. – Kiran   

THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL

“The Cheetah (Acinonyx jubatus) is an atypical member of the cat family (Felidae) that hunts by speed rather than by stealth or pack tactics. It is the fastest of all terrestrial animals and can reach speeds of up to 62 mph in short bursts. The cheetah’s body is svelte and muscular, though it seems slender and almost fragile in build. Its chest is deep and its waist narrow. It has a small head and short muzzle, high-placed eyes, large nostrils for maximal oxygen intake, and small round ears. The fur of the cheetah is yellow with round black spots which help to camouflage it and black tear lines on the sides of the muzzle. The adult animal weighs from 90 to 140 pounds. Its total body length is from 45 in to 55 inches, while the tail can measure up to 33 inches. Cheetahs are not true big cats, as they can purr as they inhale, but cannot roar. When asked about this lack of intimidation factor, the cheetah said, ‘God, tell me about it. I’m like a joke out here!'” – Narrator

Huh? – Kiran

HOW MANY PLAYDATES HAVE YOU HAD?

“Are boys lying about the number of playdates they’ve had or are they simply having encounters with imaginary survey-averse friends? That’s the troubling question the The Los Angeles Times took up this weekend. The proposition is a simple one: How can boys average so many more playdates than girls when, as we know, every playdater requires a playdatee. The paper raises the aforementioned possibility, and quotes U.C.S. professor of mathematics Elias Huer in support of the theory. “Some might be imaginary,” Dr. Huer said.” – Anderson Cooper, CNN 

Well, whatever, I said my number is 407 and I’m sticking with it. – Kiran  

Russell and I are working on a new man-fragrance called “Project K”. But what will our man-perfume smell like? Mmmmmm… Ponies and butterflies? SPF 50? – Kiran  

[BUUUURRRRRRRRP] Whoops! Te he he. Pardon me! – Kiran

THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL

“…Known as the king of the jungle, the lion’s main habitat is, in fact, the African grasslands. Once common in Africa, Asia, and parts of Europe, this magnificent animal is now a protected species. Unlike most members of the cat family, lions are social animals that live in prides of 20-30 individuals. Some prides include a single male, while others have as many as four. While there is more than one male, the males are most likely litter mates. Males are strongly territorial and will challenge intruders. Largest and most powerful of the African carnivores, a male lion in his prime is an impressive sight. Male Lions usually have a tawny mane which gradually darkens with age. Once darkened, the male lions will take that as a cue to throw on some crisp whites and aviator glasses and head to the nearest discotheque to ‘booty bump’ and ‘disco dump’.” – Narrator

…because that’s how kings roll. – Kiran

ON ACTING 

…like a moth to a spotlight, I was drawn to the spotlight, because I am a moth. Or like one. Whaaaa? – Kiran