I’m telling you Super Fred, there is going to be a ridiculous curve coming in our Ethics Of Journalism/Contemporary Mud Sculpture class. How do I know? Well, 80% of the football team is in it and the median grade on last week’s essay test was an A-. – Kiran
Yeah, well, there are alot of reasons why Grover and I don’t hang out anymore. We just grew apart — and then there was that time we got into that wet-and-wild catfight in the lily pond. No, wait, that last thing was a scene from Dynasty. – Kiran
Today I received an invitation to attend “An Evening of Catullus: Readings from the works of the celebrated Roman poet”. But I think I recall enough basic Latin to translate “works of the celebrated Roman poet” means “Roman dudes wrestling in a dead language.” Snooze. And Elmo and I already have tickets to see a poultry streetfight – Chengwin vs. Mr. Loaf! – Kiran
[Editor’s Note: Has anyone seen Kiran’s Mr. Loaf Thunderstixs?]
There’s really only one acceptable time for a grown man to cry, and that’s when one of the Ewoks dies in Return of the Jedi. I mean, not that I do or anything. So what if they’re cute little teddy bears that live in trees. That doesn’t get to me. *sniff* No, I’m a castle of manliness. *sniff* Excuse me, I’m going to, uh, *sniff* think about how much I love NASCAR and rib-eye steaks. And fixing tanks with my shirt off. *sniff* Yeah, all that stuff I just said. – Kiran
Why the look of general unease and discomfort? My pants are cinched right under my armpits and my eyebrows need a trim. – Kiran
I’ve got a big scoop everyone! A well-placed source tells me that Big Bird is raising Sesame Street’s methane levels by trading his distinctive boullion-style paintings for fugitive cows in Cinncinati and starting a foundation named after the four backup dancers that escaped from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. – Kiran
MY FIRST LEMON WEDGE
Emotionally, I’m still celebrating Thanksgiving – radiating thankfulness and generosity. Physically, I’m feeling like a giant stuffed elephantelope. – Kiran
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!
My Thanksgiving was spent ladling gravy on everything and patting butter on everything else. The rest of the evening was devoted to the most revered of Thanksgiving traditions, the actual giving of thanks. The list of thankfulness was long and varied. Selected highlights:
Dad: Aerated water and vegan tempeh
Mom: K-BIG’s Super Sounds of the 70’s
Russell: Jeans with horseshoes on the pockets
Verdell: Bic razors
Zebbie: Fully-clothed salespeople
Super Fred: Feet
Elmo: His Hermes embossed leather coffee mug
In other pre-Thanksgiving news, Verdell will be singing karaoke tunes from the Richard Marx songbook at the Mustache Spectacular in Long Beach tonight. Be there or be square. – Kiran