April 30
Hey, good morning. How are you? Doing OK? Good, good. Here, let us take your coat. Grab yourself a coffee, a muffin — we’ve plenty. Yeah, those multi-berry ones are delicious. So, got a second? Yeah? Great, take a seat, make yourself comfortable. We need to talk. As you may have heard, the number of swine flu cases in the US has escalated to 71 with 15 cases reported in California alone. And this can only mean one thing: PANIC! Soon we will all be wiped out by this virus that (I can only assume) turns people into pigs and, yes, the only hope for the future of the human race is to start breeding constantly and repopulate the planet. Please feel free to drop me a private message if you want to join the Resistance. – Kiran
With more and more cases of swine flu being reported, the CDC is reminding everyone to wash their hands frequently and don’t go around kissing or sharing toilet seats with random pigs. – Shaan
Eating remote controls with adult-sized teeth would be sooooooooo much easier. – Shaan
What!? The Los Angeles Times says there’s something wrong with drinking 6 or more Diet Cokes a day? I’d go over and give them a piece of my mind if I’d had enough aspartame today. Also they’ve obviously never tried the new Diet Coke with Lime, one of the most fantastic drinking experiences one can have — barring the availability of Red Bull, of course. – Kiran