March 31
THE FOURTH ANNUAL CASSEROLE COOK-OFF
Today we hosted the Fourth Annual Casserole Cook-Off. Contestants included such memorable recipes as “Texas Casserole Massacre”, “Casserole Fever” and “Thanksgiving Dinner Surprise”. They were mostly creamy and bland. And some were evidently flavored using packets from a thing of spicy ramen. [See inset photo.] But by the end of the day the winning casserole was: “Cheese Love”. (Although all I could discern about it was that it contained a lot of cheese.) – Kiran
Today we learned that Elmo can eat 46 stale Twinkies in under an hour. (“Does anyone know if Blue Cross covers hyperglycemic shock?”) – Kiran
What is everyone up to today? Well, Russell is spending a protein pudding-fueled day in sweatpants (Granted, they are Armani sweats, but still.), Zebbie and Maio Maio are creating a new tahini sauce called Mondo Shwarma and I’m having my hair styled fluffy and asymetrical – which better conceals my counter clockwise hair whorl. – Kiran 
Today, Elmo’s babysitting Bernard for the day, while I go to the opening of 50 Cent’s new clu-, I mean, perform at a bachelorette part- uh, attend a writing conference. – Kiran
Oooooo! You know what? I wasn’t planning on working out tonight, but my Pelvic Floor Muscles are totally out of shape. Excuse me while I make some calls. – Kiran
When reached for comment, Kiran remarked: ‘We all went to Big Bird’s book party, because it was the kind of thing you had to go to. Mostly we just skulked in the corner telling anecdotes to one another about Big Bird that may or may not have had any basis in truth. How could we have known that Bert and Ernie had packed Grover’s Ford Pinto with fire ants and smashed it into the building?’
Can you hear that? The unpleasant sound of the last package of marshmallow Peeps going quickly stale. If so, that means your post-Easter hangover is as severe as mine. – Kiran 
I don’t know about you, but I spent the day smeared in Cadbury Creme Eggs and Rabbit Peeps residue! – Kiran 
In the run-up before Easter today is officially known as “Post-Crucifixion/ Pre-Resurrection” Day. It’s a fact. – Kiran