Why am I driving a “Winnie the Pooh” car instead of my speeder-bike from Return of the Jedi? I can’t go into the details due to the pending litigation, but it basically involves me, an Ewok and a grape juice Mai-Tai the size of a refrigerator. – Kiran
It takes seven kinds of fruit to make Hawaiian Punch? Seven kinds of fruit in a Hawaiian Punch? Seven kinds of fruit? Seven? Really? – Kiran
“OMG! The house reaks of sulfur and rotten eggs. It’s disgusting. Did Elmo have burritos for lunch AGAIN?” – Kiran
“No, it’s really more of a ‘Russell ate curry for breakfast thing.'” – Zebbie
How was the party last night? Well, the dress code was ‘Klingon’ but I just went in a classic Mad Max-leather thing I had sitting around. The music was totally distorted because the DJ didn’t notice that he had every bar on the amp in the reds. And there were gift bags. (If anyone wants a Size 0 G-string that says “Bootylicious” on the front, let me know.) – Kiran
What’s behind my blanket? All kinds of booty: A slab of fudge, the expressed written consent of the NBA, a pair of left-handed scissors, Mannequin on laserdisc, my lucky Mexican jumping beans and, possibly, reclaimed free-range chicken fingers. – Kiran
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Chacha-ji,
Happy Birthday to you! – Kiran
Yikes! Abraham Lincoln is having a fist fight with a dinosaur in the living room and Russell is talking to Charlemagne. What do I make of all this? Either the time machine I built in the garage has finally started working or I’m having stress-induced hallucinations. – Kiran
[Editor’s Note: So far, the dinosaur is the odds-on favorite to win, but surprisingly, Old Abe has a mean uppercut.]
That’s just like the time Elmo didn’t do the reading for class and asked me, “What was it about?” I looked at him like he was crazy, because there’s no good way to sum up Othello in 2 minutes. But then I was all, “interracial relationship gone bad,” and he was like, “Oh, thanks.” – Kiran
Russell! RUSSELL! Seriously, no more Oreos in the deep fryer! – Kiran
CHEZ K
Since opening our new bistro “Chez K” last weekend, we’ve had a few anonymous and not so anonymous comments placed in the suggestion box. This week’s “comments” include:
“Ice cream every day!”
“I came in for lunch today around 11:30, ordered my usual, and as I walked to right corner of the dining hall, I noticed that someone was sitting in my Elmo’s seat. I would like to point out that this is exceedingly disrespectful to Elmo as I Elmo called that seat first. Zebbie said that he called the seat ‘infinity’ but I Elmo called the seat ‘infinity, infinity,’ effectively making the seat mine Elmo’s. The seat, therefore, belongs to me Elmo. Please see that no one sits in it. Ever.”