Kiran and Shaan's World

SMILE OF THE DAY

                                       SHAAN’S POST-MODERN NIXON IMPRESSION

VIDEO OF THE DAY

Today’s list of “things to do” include:

1. Stop choosing dentists for hotness – schedule actual dental exam;

2. Schedule “dental” “exam”;

3. Look into starting own country –  is “DeathKwonDo-nia” trademarked?; and

4. Kardashian butts – investigate.

Today I have some grievances and some apologies to make. I have changed their names to protect their privacy, but if you are reading this and the message applies to you, you know who you are:

“Shmlake Shmivley” — How can you be dating Ryan Reynolds already? You’re supposed to be having your rebound date with me. That’s what this banana peel from your trash assured me. See how the coffee grounds cling to it? That’s practically a legal contract. I’m calling my lawyer.

“Shmelmo” — I hate it when you leave the shower curtain open. It doesn’t air out, and it gets moldy. I know this is anal, but it makes me crazy on the inside. So crazy, I find myself dreaming up ways to kill you when I see the shower curtain open. Don’t worry, I’m not really going to kill you. And really, I do know it’s anal of me. And crazy. Yet, when I see that shower curtain open, getting all moldy and stinky and gross, kill is what I want to do.

“Shmoptimus Shrime” — I stole 75 cents from your change jar one time. I was hungry and I really wanted Pop Tarts. I love Pop Tarts. They drive me to passionate, crazed acts, such as stealing 75 cents from your change jar. Sorry.

“Shmiger Shmoods” — I think that I may have stopped rubbing my lucky Buddha for a minute while you were golfing tandem with Steve Stricker. I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why you didn’t win a hole and didn’t make a birdie in tying the Presidents Cup record for the worst loss ever and Adam Scott rolled in a 25-foot birdie putt on the 11th.  I had been eating my kabillionth manwich at that point and I lost my focus. I am so, so sorry.

Sorry for the intermittent and/or lack of posts recently. Mom has been sick with a permanent hunk of phlegm in her throat and looks like a dried-up mop that’s been sitting in a scuzzy bucket for 10 years. (Note: Those are Shaan’s words, not mine.) Please check back with us later when Mom returns to her hale and hearty self. – Kiran

                                                                   LUNCH AT RUBY’S

SMILE OF THE DAY

How does Ryan Reynolds manage to get all the ladies? Because he’s a Canadian. So I’m telling chicks I’m Canadian from now on, so it’s a good thing I already mastered the language. “Guten tag. Me gusta hockey, hoser. Donde esta los socialized medicine?” – Shaan

NEW YEAR’S EVE – This movie, directed by Gary Marshall, bills itself as the “ultimate” romantic comedy, but “extreme” would probably be a better word. There are more than a dozen characters, all of which overlap and look for love in wholly different places, making the plot a hodge-podge of romantic cliches. And the movie features all kinds of love stories – about 73 – all of which are implausible and ridiculous. An inter-species romance between a cheetah and a panda? Someone finds Ricky Gervais sexy? And Natalie Portman plays the Secretary of State? Honestly the only way I’d watch this movie is if Meryl Streep stepped in for the Ashton Kutcher role. – Kiran