Kiran and Shaan's World

Today, Zebbie and I are brainstorming new words to add to the American slang lexicon. So far Zebbie has contributed: nose bidet and ninja loan. Who knew he was such a cutting edge linguist! – Kiran

SMILE OF THE DAY

Last night I hosted the weekly poker/potluck dinner at our house. Unbeknownst to me, Big Bird decided to write a wildly inaccurate report of the evenings festivities and posted it on his blog. Today I would like to make a few corrections to Big Bird’s commentary:

1. There is no pasta sauce in the freezer. Its meat; 2. Our house is not furnished by fraudulent tax return money; 3. The picture Big Bird posted on his blog is not me. I am far better looking and my mouth is much smaller; and 4. Russell has a thing for Asian women named Ling, not Isiah Thomas figurines as reported by Big Bird.

[Note to Big Bird: Elmo wants his Swarovski crystal-encrusted electronic Su Doku game back.]

In case you haven’t already made plans for the day feel free to join me and the guys this afternoon. We’re just going to deep condition our hair and talk. You know, manly man stuff. – Kiran

Ummmmm, has anyone seen my new friend Big Pinky? He’s about 5 inches tall, yellow and wearing an orange bow tie. He’s also obsessed with superheroes and wrote his college applications on ‘The Green Lantern’. – Kiran 

Valentines Day is the holiday that celebrates our Puritan forefathers’ victory over the savage turkeys of The New World. Wait – or is that Thanksgiving? – Kiran

Did you hear that? Like a woman’s voice in my head. Not like I “heard” a woman’s voice…like when I wear flared jeans with skinny shoes and I “hear” a woman’s voice in my head say, “Wait, you’ve got to be kidding?” but like an actual woman’s voice in my head. This usually means I’ve had too many strawberry limoncellos. – Kiran  

It’s a warm Tuesday and the afternoon is pregnant with activities. What will I be doing? Saluting the sun and working on the tan of my left arm. – Kiran

My afternoon snack today: One dictatorous Golden Delicious apple disguised as the Fuji apple of compassionate conservatism. Oh, and five carrot sticks. – Kiran  

As a journalist, I try to diagnose the symptoms of propaganda and misinformation in the media — especially when it comes to politics and the shaping of public thought. But the thing is, I don’t really like editing my political media narratives or prophetic truth-telling. Or, you know, I do, but I get distracted really easily. Ooh, look at that adorable puppy on the sidewalk. OMG so cute! What? Oh, yeah. As I was saying…. – Kiran