Kiran and Shaan's World

POST-HALLOWEEN GOSSIP

Oooooooo! I’ve yet to confirm anything, but Zebbie reports that Scooby-Doo is in fact a werewolf. This also means that part of Scooby’s day is spent fighting vampires and biting his colleagues. He’s probably working his way through the werewolf ranks: entry-level Creeper Werewolf, executive assistant Rabid Werewolf, middle-management Werewolf Howler, upper-management Fire Werewolf, junior-executive Cyber Werewolf, senior-executive Savage Werewolf and finally, Werewolf God. – Kiran

If I ever meet Deepak Chopra I would like to ask him the following questions:

1. Is there a way to connect my outer-self to my inner-self?;

2. Can I increase my enlightenment quotient through holistic cardio?; and

3. How can I maintain a perpetual Buddha-like disposition when my masculine aura interferes with my meditation? – Shaan

Broccoli is the leading cause of drug addiction and death in the nation. It’s true. And I’m practically a doctor, so I know what I’m talking about. See this stethoscope and prescription pad? – Kiran

How does Kiran dress when he wants to look like: A) an eighteen month old and B) a sixty-two year old, when he wants to get a discount at the movie theater? When he’s going for the young look, he trades out his Marc Jacobs shades for heart-shaped Lolita glasses, rolls his jean shorts up a couple inches and sucks on a lollipop. When he’s trying to pass for sixty-two, he takes off his headband that’s holding back all of his wrinkles, buttons up his coat and hunches over. It’s simple but surprisingly successful. – Shaan

Have you met Apu’s new dog, Robitussin? Apu got a lot of flack about the name at first, but honestly I don’t know what people are freaking out about. Nine out of ten doctors recommend Robitussin; it’ll not only get rid of your cough but also that annoying congested feeling you sometimes get. – Shaan

SMILE OF THE DAY

I’m hearing today that the Wall Street meltdown was further hobbled by Halloween speculators who used the holiday as a marketing opportunity to lure hapless investors into buying worthless Candy Corn futures. Thank God I put my money into motorized lollipops. – Kiran

This afternoon the legendary Shamu gave a rousing performance at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion singing songs from his self-titled album OOEEAAOOAARAAOGHGUOAAG!! It was kind of like listening to Tiny Dancer. Shamu himself is in fact something of a tiny dancer – dainty, but full of brio. – Kiran