Kiran and Shaan's World

SMILE OF THE DAY

When extremely important news breaks at any hour of the day or night, we here at Kiran and Shaan’s World receive a BREAKING NEWS ALERT from our affiliate news blogs. So we have to apologize for any loss in civic informed-ness that you may incur because of our lateness in bringing you this story, which was urgently emailed to us just as it was filed late last night. But better late than never. We’re excited to tell you: Scientists have finally found the secret cause of thumb wars! Surprise! Gold-plated manicures. – Kiran

Yesterday afternoon I dreamt I went outside and saw a cloud that looked like my old hamster, Tim Daniels. He was named after one of Dad’s friends who sometimes took me and Apu to get ice cream cones. In the dream, I continued looking at the cloud for a while and then Guadalupe, my personal assistant, said ‘Meeztir Thakur, you haf been outside por hours!’ So I laughed and she made me some fishsticks and then she taught me how to cha-cha. – Shaan

SHAAN AND THE TRAVELING HAMBURGER BUN

                                                          HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY EVERYONE!

CONVERSATIONS WITH SHAAN 

…I sacrificed 3 hours of precious family time, “me” time, and botox time yesterday waiting in line, but I did manage to get a Captain’s Platter with Extra Cheese.

…Well, that’s no surprise. Everyone knows Meryl Streep is clairvoyant in addition to being telekinetic. But very few people know that she was one of the original X-Men.

…his entire life seems to be a vacation, so he can never really get away.

Okay, Mom can be totally wrong about a lot of things, like when she tells me to fold my socks neatly, I don’t listen to that. But when Mom says she’s going to make oatmeal cookies, you should listen up and listen good. Because the ones she bakes in the oven are to-die-for. And on a separate note: How awesome are ovens? I mean, ovens are pretty magical – you put totally unbaked stuff in them, and you close the door, and you turn the little knobbie things, and when you open it up again, out comes dinner. That’s the kind of magical power you get with ovens. – Kiran

Yesterday evening I had the opportunity to ask prominent astrologer Hiroko Yoda what’s in my horoscope for the coming weeks. Apparently, I’m going through a Saturn/Pluto double whammy. Transiting Saturn is aspecting Pluto and transiting Pluto is aspecting Saturn. So, this is a time of change. Although this period will be difficult, Hiroko insists the result will be deep and lasting personal growth. Awesome! See? It’s all going to be OK; my horoscope said so. – Shaan

The stock market is down another 300 points today?! How am I ever going to be able to afford that sweet loft with the trampoline and the Coke machines and the older girlfriend and the magic fortune telling machine? – Kiran

HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN CELEBRITY RUMOR by Shaan Thakur

celeb + non-sequitur = “Celebrity Rumor”

A few sample rumors: Megatron sells quilted sunglasses on eBay. Malibu Stacy uses hair extensions*. Teddy Ruxpin capitalizes all his verbs. (“Because when I Do something, like Clean out the hair in the shower drain, it Deserves a capital letter. I Am famous.”)

* Actually, that one’s true