Kiran and Shaan's World

MOVIE HAIKUS by Shaan

Land of the Lost

Mostly involves dinosaurs,
Tar pits,
And dinosaurs in tar pits.

I can’t believe someone already beat me to the pitch that was going to make my career as a screenwriter. What are the odds that two people would have the same Footloose-meets-sparkle vampires idea? Probably about 1 in 3. (Come on brainstorming hat!) – Kiran

Dear Kiran and Shaan’s World Staff:

We’d like to take a moment and provide some follow-up information to the memo you received earlier this month regarding the recent budget cuts we have been forced to implement. We are very sad to announce that based on the global economic situation and current business forecasts, the complimentary gold-plated sporks in the snack stations will be discontinued along with the interoffice commuting via Segway. In addition, please check the bulletin board on Monday when we will be rolling out a list of everyone’s new cubicle-mate. This will free up some much needed office space and also save on heat through the closeness of bodies.

Thanks to everyone for your anticipated cooperation during this time of transition.

Sincerely,

Kiran “The Guy Who Owns Five Cherry Red Diablo Roadsters With Fuchsia Pink Interiors” and Shaan “Bamillions” Thakur

Little known secret: Big Bird adamantly insists that his Lilliputian pet schnauzer, Lacob Jodwick, is a purebred – but he’s really a cat in drag. – Shaan

I noticed a couple things today: The mall was completely empty, like in a Will Smith movie, but because of the recession, not because of vampire zombies. Also, in the future all movies are about robots. – Shaan

Today’s post goes out to all the dudes: What are you doing tonight? ‘Cause T-Brah just booked this totally bumping Party Bus for tonight! Seriously, this bus will pick you up and take you wherever you want. But, I swear, you’re not even gonna want to leave the bus. We’re all going, and Rob even called the Tampa girls, you KNOW it — to come along. The entire pledge class is signed up for tonight — aw, God, it’s gonna be so awesome. Call me. – Kiran

I can’t tell if this photo was taken with a soft focus lens, or if my sweater hat and hair are radiating fur and Aquanet, respectively. – Kiran

YOUR DAILY HOROSCOPE

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): [Power animal: Toss up – Abraham Lincoln or Daniel Day Lewis] Like all Sagittarians, you pride yourself on practicality and reason, which makes your decision to key a few profanities into the Porsche that took your parking spot all the more disconcerting. It’s time for you to take it down a level. This might require some heavy drinking.

YOUR DAILY HOROSCOPE

Scorpio (October 24 – November 21): [Power animal: Yo Brah] Don’t be discouraged about your weak deltoid muscles. They say that true body sculpting mastery is only achieved after 10,000 hours of practice, and though you’ve only been working at it for thirty minutes, your triceps are already looking marginally better.

Libra (September 23 – October 23): [Power animal: Hummer H2] You are moving forward, putting positive thoughts into the universe, and as long as you ask, believe, and receive, good things will happen. It’s too bad The Secret won’t be able to fix your timing belt in three weeks.