CONVERSATIONS WITH KIRAN
…I KNOW! Meryl Streep losing Best Actress to Kate Winslet is like “Everything I Thought I Knew About Life” getting trounced by “Nothing Makes Sense Anymore”…
…Oh, definitely Sponge Bob Squarepants. His knee socks embrace the newest trends in…I don’t know, but two snaps for progressiveness…
Ooooo! Really?! His chest is completely shaved and adorned with a giant tattoo of Rebecca De Mornay too!
Hmmm? Where’s Shaan? Oh, he’s filming a remake of Terms of Endearment. And since the film is being done on the cheap, I’m assuming Shaan’s version will showcase him playing all the roles himself on video. No wait…Beta. Yeah, he’ll record it on Beta. – Kiran
What’s everyone up to today? Zebbie and Russell are doing all sorts of non-traditional spiritual stuff, Elmo is dressed in a unicorn pelt and magical staff with which he can summon eagles and Kiran is working on his igloo-decorating simulator. – Shaan
POTTY TRAINING SYMPOSIUM
I’d just like to add that as a seasoned toilet user, let me say that utilizing the toilet is a sign of independence and freedom. It screams out “Hey society, I’m not going to be limited by oppressive diapers – I’m a man on the go and I don’t have time for diaper changes.” And ‘modern plumbing’ is sexy. Way sexy. – Kiran
Well, we finally made it back home. We fought our way through hellacious traffic — 45 minutes on the off-ramp alone! — and battled through the blazes that engulfed the famed clocktower from Back to the Future and out-raced the giant boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Is that why I am suddenly so compelled to hit the Chianti, and hard? – Shaan
BREAKING NEWS
OMG! Dora the Explorer has ten fingers on her right hand?! And she isn’t the only one. Sponge Bob Squarepants has six fingers on his left hand! Also, the number of Americans continuing to receive unemployment benefits has topped 5.1 million. But anyway DORA! TEN FINGERS! THAT’S NUTS! – Kiran
This morning I overheard some questionable noises that may or may not have been the sound of emphysema gurgles or a door squeaking. But now I am painfully and tinglingly sure that the faint tooting I heard was indeed Shaan’s virtuosic backwind concertos. – Kiran
