Category Archives: Uncategorized

WHAT I HAVE REGRETTABLY PURCHASED WHILE ON VACATION   1. An authentic William Shatner hairpiece circa Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan; 2. A large equity stake in Planet Hollywood; 3. The Battle of the Bionic Booger: Revenge of the Ridiculous Robo-Boogers … Continue reading →

Have you met my friend Super Fred? After a series of unfulfilling jobs in mime performance, African tribesmanship, crunk gangsta rap, and publishing – Super Fred finally settled happily into the career he was destined for: ergonomics expert. – Kiran

The widower, Mr. Horowitz, from condo 12B down the street stole my silver Jaguar. Again. How do I know? Because each time my Jaguar goes missing, he’s tooling around the block in a silver Jaguar with the license plate: JED1MASTER. And each time he says the same … Continue reading →

No, don’t do blue arms tomorrow Elmo. Blue arms stopped being cool when Grover performed with the Back Street Boys. – Kiran    

SYNCHRONIZED SCREAMING DAY AHHHHHHHH aaahhhhhhhhh AAAAAAhhhhh aaaaaaHHHHHHHHH! – Kiran

ART CLASS 101  Today, I designed a mixed media sculpture based entirely out of seat belts, the disclaimers on McDonald’s Hot Apple Pies, child-proof caps and bubbles. I call it “What Would Debbie Harry Wear?”.       My friend Shelby is also in my Modern Art History … Continue reading →

4/6 Acura Integra owners tend to pout because they really wish they were rockin’ a Legend. Of those, at least half know that 4/6 equals 2/3? What? There’s too much here that doesn’t add up. – Kiran    

Guess what? Zebbie and I recalibrated the time machine and now we’re only one point 21 jiggawatts away from flux capacitating our way into the future! (Zebbie! Remember to pack plenty of Clinique moisturizer samples. That’s what they use as currency in the future.)  – … Continue reading →

Today I’m 31 flavors of “Shiny Happy People”. (It wasn’t just a song, Elmo. It’s a lifestyle.) – Kiran    

SMILE OF THE DAY