Category Archives: Uncategorized

PERSONAL PROFILE  Favorites Things: crossword puzzles, David Bowie cover bands and flattering fan mail. Least Favorite Things: wannabees, the Hamburgler and cauliflower.   Currently: bench pressing 80 pounds, cloning a Borg and USING ALL CAPS.  Previously: wearing brontosaurus leg pants, creating a chemical reaction with a diamine compound containing two … Continue reading →

Suri Cruise causes scenes when she goes club hopping at night? That’s weird, because I’m known for causing scenes when I go club hopping too. They usually have to call in the fire marshal because, and I quote, I’m just “too hot to handle.” That’s … Continue reading →

How does an international jet setter like myself keep track of where I am? Well, “keeping track” is not quite the right word. You see, half of my pilot gloves live in New York and half in California. The righties here, the lefties there. Whichever … Continue reading →

A DAY AT THE SCIENCE DISCOVERY CENTER    

DUNGEONS & DRAGONS MARATHON Verdell! My elf challenges your demon to a duel! But first, I’m going to roll this 50,000 sided die to get the Fire of Zynth to defeat your demon’s…Water Cooling Filtration Unit? Whaaaaa? That’s your demon’s secret weapon? – Kiran

Hey Zebbie! ‘Hand Banana’ should release an iTunes-only single! A duet! …With Steve Perry? No….Mmmm…How ’bout a duet with Lindsay Lohan? She’s really talented and an extraordinary performer. – Huh? Well, what did you think I was going to say? …You’re mean Zebbie. – … Continue reading →

HIP HOP DOJO  Russell! Let’s commence to – wait for it – ‘drop it like it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot’! – Kiran

               TRADING PLACES

Dilemma: Are play dates with girls worth the cooties? – Kiran     

Did you know Elmo trained for the Tour de France at the Shaolin Monastery in Ulan Bator where he was the reigning Supreme Warrior? Elmo’s last showdown, a duel-to-the-death with Nebraska, left the cornhusker state covered in scratch-n-sniff stickers and Jean Claude Van Damme ‘Blinding … Continue reading →