This afternoon I cooked up some “homemade” 7-up. It was, um, interesting. Which leads me to believe that some things are best left to the professionals. Other things that should not be “homemade”: 1) antibiotics; 2) passports; 3) creative interpretations of tax law involving lenient definitions of what constitutes a valid tax exemption and 4) dentures. – Shaan
Every stylist from here to Manhattan wants to know who made Shaan’s sparkly new windbreaker. [whispers] It’s from the “House of A Hundred Nuns Went Blind Sewing These Sequins In.” – Kiran
SMILES OF THE DAY
I never made it through Infinite Jest. There, I admit it. It took me three separate attempts – and even then I only read 30 pages, got bored and watched a M*A*S*H marathon instead. – Shaan
I can sing “Ring of Fire” in it’s original key using my lower register and vocal fry. It’s funny how some people get REALLY upset about this. I mean, I don’t sound great – it’s meant to be funny, but man does it bother people. – Shaan
Did you read the news about the missing glaciers in Antarctica? My short-list of suspects include:
1. Bottled water companies (there’s a cartel);
2. Photoshop (there’s a cartel making LOL Glaciers);
3. Science (highly unlikely); or
4. Sold on Pawn Stars.
Megatron is making pesto sauce from scratch. I told him we have a food processor but he insists on doing it the old-fashioned way and having enormous Popeye forearms a week from now using a mortar and pestle. And he is doing it very loudly. Very loudly. Either way, he’s coming out ahead: fresh made pesto and the ability to impress people by tearing the doors off their cars for them. – Kiran
SMILE OF THE DAY
Forget Bitcoins – memes are probably our most stable form of Internet currency. By my calculations, two lolcat ninja photos are worth at least one viral video of a dog playing a Rush solo – if I’m adjusting for inflation correctly. – Shaan
If you are ever offered macademia nuts in the shell, say NO, NO, NO thanks. It is nearly impossible for a human to crack the shell without heavy machinery. My friend feeds them to his macaw who literally has the pressure of 1400 lbs in his beak. I took one home and couldn’t even smash it with a hammer. What kind of nut can’t be shelled with an ordinary nutcracker! Plus – all that work for a tasteless chunk of fat. (Insert Jessica Simpson joke here.) – Kiran