You know how you’re all “Oh what do I care if there are a gajillion bazillionaires, I’m fine just being happy and not letting wanton materialism ruin my life.” Then you come to find out: There’s a booming luxury submarine industry? And now I realize: I really, really, need a submarine. Really. – Kiran
Jello is so many things: polished, gelatinous and most importantly, our country’s most cherished fruit-flavored cultural relativist. – Kiran
MY TOP 10 WEB SEARCHES
1. Spiderman
2. Star Wars
3. Winter Olympics
4. Warcraft 3
5. NASCAR
6. Angelina Jolie
7. CNN
8. IKEA
9. American Idol
10. Nostradamus
TODAY’S TO DO LIST
1. Master ‘beep boop beep’ computer language;
2. Determine the outcome of the next Presidential election;
3. Say Cuba in a sentence using the authentic “OO” sound; and
4. Discover a Higgs boson.
WHAT’S IN YOUR OVERNIGHT BAG?
1. Carmex lip balm; 2. one pair of white tube socks; 3. a “soft bristle” toothbrush; 4. one pair of black soft cotton boxers; 5. Neutrogena dandruff shampoo; 6. Neutrogena face scrub; and of course 7. Tabasco sauce (Caribbean style). – Kiran
A TYPICAL DAY AT CHEZ K
Restaurant patrons make such outlandish requests sometimes. Maybe once a week I get a group of people ordering “puddin’ phlism-phlasm, bism-basm, poppin’, baaaaaah”, requesting organic free-range radicchio or Splenda. Then there are the people who get too amped on the caffeine. When they sit down and finally look at the menu, they’re so wired that their brain can’t connect what they want, with communicating it with the server, with what’s on the menu. Overcaffeinated people. Scary. – Kiran
If I had $2 million dollars, I’d donate it to charity. Or at least buy myself a Ferrari. That’s sort of like donating it right? To the Ferrari dealership? – Kiran
LABOR DAY
The heat and humidity was a bit wistful today as the summer officially comes to a close. But Labor Day also gave us one government-sanctioned holiday to: make a last-ditch effort to look good in white pants, use Drambuie as sunscreen and work on your tan. (My skin tone is now Hickory Twilight.) – Kiran
What’s blowing up in the fashion world right now? Fruit Boots – the ultimate zipperless, foot-beautifying, must-have accessory for the season. Coated in a new Teflon-latex compound pioneered by NASA, the soles are edible and come in seven different flavors. (They’re even low-carb!) I think Huckleberry is my favorite. Oh, I also like Carambola. – Kiran
FOR SALE BY OWNER
2007 Aqua-Mobile with two donut tires (one front one back; on opposing sides), no radio, some heat, one headlight. Price negotiable. If interested, please leave a message in Box 5489.