Monthly Archives: January 2008

Another late night at the Couples Dodgeball Rally with Molly? – Russell [Yawn] Yeah, well you know, sometimes when you’re dating you have to make sacrifices. Very itchy sacrifices that will totally chafe afterwards. I should know. I dated a sandcastle artist once … Continue reading →

Are you coming to my Contemporary Modeling and Practice symposium at the Perutti Lounge this afternoon? I’ll be covering career paths that meld scientific and choreographic inquiry in pursuit of one of the most important topics facing society: How to pout in three quarter profile and trimming … Continue reading →

For those of you who wonder if PBS pays me to write posts about Elmo, the answer is no. [crunch, crunch] Hmmmm…but that’s not a bad idea. PBS, feel free to call me at 1-888-LUV-ELMO. I accept cash or gold bars. No PayPal … Continue reading →

For 2008 accentuate all your accessories. Car keys too. And remember: Sometimes a little braid at the side of your face can be more intriguing then a whole head of braids. – Kiran    

How was yesterday’s Muppets Illustrated photo shoot with Miss Piggy? Okay, to be perfectly honest I signed a waiver at the shoot preventing me from saying anything negative about her feet, but, heck, I can talk freely about her “naked slippers” (wink-wink) and let’s … Continue reading →

Despite everyone’s fear of global warming and energy scarcity, I’ve peered into the future and I’m not too worried. Trees and icebergs will be around forever. How do I know this? Because it already is the future, and no one dresses like they’re in Logan’s Run. … Continue reading →

Is he around? No? Okay, well, last summer I spent one weekend lounging in a swimming pool full of fruit punch. Or at least I was until the pool guy came and started asking why I filled the community pool with punch. He didn’t seem to … Continue reading →

What am I working on? An article for Vanity Fair. It’s an in-depth examination of high-end contemporary menswear entitled “Style Watch 2008.” In it I will explore such important questions as: “How to Cope with Flaccid Monograms” and “Commanding Respect in the … Continue reading →

Zebbie, bring me the Sword of Omens! Thunder. Thunder! THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOOO! [looks around] Oh man, can someone go upstairs and tell Mom I need four C batteries for this thing. Dude, hurry up. It’s important. – Kiran     

Last month, Dan Rather was awarded broadcast journalism’s most prestigious honor, a Peabody. Meanwhile, my peers crowned me the “King of Journalism” for my in-depth expose of Oscar the Grouch’s hedge fund scandal. (Okay, so maybe I just lined up a bunch of stuffed animals … Continue reading →