Kiran and Shaan's World

VIDEO OF THE DAY

[Editor’s Note: Remember to turn on your volume.]

Most people assume Big Pinky was naturally blessed with a great smile. Actually, he has three fake teeth, two of which were broken out in an ice skating accident and one in a car accident. He’s had a root canal and two wisdom teeth removed. And he has a couple of scars on his left elbow from falling off his bike in college and a scar on his face from getting kicked in the eye by a 6’4″ third-degree black belt. – Shaan

A couple months ago, I had a little extra money in the bank, and I thought it would be a good idea to invest it. I met with a financial advisor and she told me that a really great market was opening up in the religious memorabilia industry, and that within a few weeks, prices in the Pope tchotchkes market were going to go through the roof. Sooooooo not true. – Shaan

On a personal note, today I would like to address the inconsiderate weasel-voice who set up shop under my bedroom window at 3 am and proceeded to yammer into his cell phone as loudly as he possibly could about the alleged Japanese ninja stars, Civil War-era cannonballs and map of Middle-Earth that Batman keeps in his utility belt for two hours straight. Two! When it’s 3 am in the morning, can you please just knock it off? – Kiran

This past Labor Day weekend was the shortest long weekend ever! We should make every weekend three days so we can spend as much time possible this summer walking on the beach or reading in a patch of sun. – Shaan

There’s only one thing I hate more than being chained to my computer on the world’s longest Friday and that’s performing slow 70’s disco claps. – Kiran

I was at Mel’s diner last night and a girl in the booth behind me started choking. Her friends did nothing, despite her using the correct international sign for choking. As I slid out of my booth to go help, a man dressed as the Holy Spirit came out of nowhere, gave her the hemlich, twirled around pointed at me and said “Eye lak yer haar.” Then he disappeared into the night. I wish all problems could be solved that way. He saved the girl AND made me feel good about my hair. – Shaan

Yesterday at Shanghai Yang’s, listening to my iPod, I encountered my braided, garlanded dream girl. She was eating noodles out of a styrofoam container. Her shift dress had turquoise feathers on it and dreamcatchers. Screwing my courage to my sticking point, I screwed up. By the time I approached her, she had faded into anonymity. I hope she uses Facebook! – Shaan

If I learned anything at last Sunday afternoon’s goat rodeo, it’s that wearing three-inch lifts in my cowboy boots induces its own version of vertigo — meaning you still feel like you’re wearing them forty-eight hours after you took them off. – Kiran

SMILE OF THE DAY