It’s arts-n-crafts day! Today Elmo will be demonstrating how to make your own trucker hat out of common household supplies, utilizing creative substitutes for the standard trucker hat components. (“STEP FOUR: 42 BEER CAN RINGS AND THREE HOT GLUE GUN STICKS LATER AND YOU GOT SOME MESH.”) Meanwhile I’ll be wearing my new bucket hat, which, if you squint, kind of looks like Wario. – Kiran
Horatio the Chick would like to thank all the Easter-related advertisers and sponsors who’ve helped him turn his gig moonlighting as a bachelorette party go-go dancer (think “the short shorts guy”) into more of a hobby than a source of income. – Kiran
What’s everyone up to today? I’m bulking up my wrists by pumping bricks, Zebbie is considering wave-size versus ocean-motion water beds and Elmo started referring to himself as Cowboy Jacob, which provoked a flurry of responses, the creation of a fan club and “I ♥ Cowboy Jacob” t-shirts. – Shaan
[dig, dig, dig] …and here’s the flaky, moist, walnut-sized (pea-sized?) pellet that is instantly going to nullify the other contestants and move me into further rounds of competition at Bertie Bott’s National Booger-Off. – Kiran
My new truck CMX only gets seven miles per gallon, but it more than makes up for those shortcomings with a standard console candy/soda dispenser and a staggering array of optional aftermarket add-ons. – Kiran
Pirates know where they’re going and how to get there — they have drive, ability and a toughness that is ultimately true inner strength rather than false bravado. That’s why pirates are so popular – alot like cats and bacon. – Kiran
Free carpentry services for the first ten supermodels to contact me. Call now. Offer ends today. – Kiran
MOVIE HAIKUS by Shaan
I Love You, Man
The most endearing film,
Of the decade,
Which is ten years*.
* And that’s saying a lot because 10 years holds a lot of movies
Put down that double-tall decaf soy mocha latte – it’s time for a round of air-kisses! – Kiran
MOVIE HAIKUS by Shaan
Monsters vs Aliens
Some stuff happens,
To some monsters,
While some other stuff happens,
Somewhere else.