July 5
I’d like to make a stunning announcement: I am officially throwing my hat into the ring for the office of student body president. If I am elected class president I promise to:
· Build a cafeteria wherein the dispensing of candy will be allowed
· Appoint Cookie Monster secretary, which means free cookies for everyone!
· Launch a full-scale re-investigation into who, exactly, was responsible for the post-diaper “intelligence” failures in the reading area