May 27
5 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT SHAAN
1) The plagiarism scandal was a simple misunderstanding
“In December, I wrote a column about gifts to give your significant other for the holidays – I had read a piece in Slate which I thought did it in a clever way and appropriated a lot of those ideas into my column – it wasn’t even close to the p-word, especially given that there are only so many gifts you can give.”
2) Shaan is hated for his Herculean chest
“I have perfectly symmetrical pectoral muscles which I like to display with plunging necklines and v-neck sweaters.”
3) Shaan and Big Bird are, in fact, secret friends
“Big Bird likes me. I like Big Bird. And we are friends despite the passive aggressive nature of his blogs for the past year. Big Bird knows I’ll forgive him for just about anything, and have, in the past, done exactly that.”
4) Shaan is not a “gold-digger”
“Nope – don’t consider myself a ‘gold digger,’ it just turns out that fascinating women are also frequently ambitious. And ambitious women are frequently wealthy. So, there you go. It’s more of a coincidence than anything else. Anyways, it doesn’t make one lick of a difference unless you plan to marry them, and Lord knows I’m not getting married ANYTIME SOON.”
5) Shaan is a benevolent employer of foreign sweatshop labor
“Occasionally, I rely on an 8 year-old Vietnamese girl for web content. I’ve furnished her with a laptop and promised to send her family a carton of Marlboros when she “blogs” about the ‘Shaan’.”