September 9
Since Labor Day weekend Big Bird has done nothing but brag about spending the holiday at his top-secret, top-sexy Kenyan getaway where his seeds are served in hollowed out coconuts and delivered to his cabana by volcano-hot models. But it’s important to remember that everything in his story is probably, you know, completely untrue. He probably spent his vacation in the Ozarks somewhere, jacked up on Redbull and telling the woodland animals that he is the ancient god Thoth. – Kiran