Kiran and Shaan's World

Wait a minute. What? Violet Affleck is just sitting around by herself pining for a man. OnStar, take me to Violet Affleck! OnStar? Hello? Where is… Dude, OnStar, get out of the fridge! Are you drinking my juice boxes? C’mon! Take me to Violet Affleck. It’s important. Yes, important enough for me to wear my slim cut jeans. Look, can we just, I dunno, go back to how things used to be? You know, where you were a little box above my rear-view mirror and obeyed my every command. – Kiran

ROCK STAR

I’ve finally completed my band lineup. I’ve got the emo keyboard player, the hot chick drummer and now I’ve nabbed the perfect bassist: the guy on the Pringles can. – Kiran

In the beginning God created heaven and earth. And the earth was without form and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be luxurious absorbent underpants: and there appeared cashmere lined diapers. And God saw the diapers and said, Let the diapers befit a wearer: and there I was.* – Shaan

*I love it when the the Holy Spirit appears and intervenes in my favor.

The universe is in balance today: The weather is expected to be gorgeous, with the sun brightly shining, warming our flesh and our hearts one last time before the leaves turn. I bet there’s even some leftover Banana Creme pie in the employee lounge. – Kiran

UPDATE: Dang it! Nothing but coconut. I hate you, mysterious cosmos!

“So, what’s the difference between blue cars and yellow cars?” – Shaan

“Blue cars think the whole world belongs to them.” – Kiran

“And yellow cars?” – Shaan

“It’s up to them to feel that way.” – Kiran

With the collapsing housing market and economic downturn everyone has been forced to reevaluate their expenditures. Myself included. Now that I’m no longer hemorrhaging money from the pockets of my Versace leather pants I’ve decided to forgo my uber-mega-luxury spa treatments and hyperbaric chamber sessions. Oh right…and my bathtub full of Creme de la Mer.- Kiran

VIDEO OF THE DAY

[Editor’s Note: Remember to turn on your volume.]

Most people assume Big Pinky was naturally blessed with a great smile. Actually, he has three fake teeth, two of which were broken out in an ice skating accident and one in a car accident. He’s had a root canal and two wisdom teeth removed. And he has a couple of scars on his left elbow from falling off his bike in college and a scar on his face from getting kicked in the eye by a 6’4″ third-degree black belt. – Shaan

A couple months ago, I had a little extra money in the bank, and I thought it would be a good idea to invest it. I met with a financial advisor and she told me that a really great market was opening up in the religious memorabilia industry, and that within a few weeks, prices in the Pope tchotchkes market were going to go through the roof. Sooooooo not true. – Shaan

On a personal note, today I would like to address the inconsiderate weasel-voice who set up shop under my bedroom window at 3 am and proceeded to yammer into his cell phone as loudly as he possibly could about the alleged Japanese ninja stars, Civil War-era cannonballs and map of Middle-Earth that Batman keeps in his utility belt for two hours straight. Two! When it’s 3 am in the morning, can you please just knock it off? – Kiran