PERSONAL PROFILE
Favorites Things: crossword puzzles, David Bowie cover bands and flattering fan mail.
Least Favorite Things: wannabees, the Hamburgler and cauliflower.
Currently: bench pressing 80 pounds, cloning a Borg and USING ALL CAPS.
Previously: wearing brontosaurus leg pants, creating a chemical reaction with a diamine compound containing two active isotopes and sewing matching California Raisin costumes.
Suri Cruise causes scenes when she goes club hopping at night? That’s weird, because I’m known for causing scenes when I go club hopping too. They usually have to call in the fire marshal because, and I quote, I’m just “too hot to handle.” That’s right, ladies. *wink* – Kiran
How does an international jet setter like myself keep track of where I am? Well, “keeping track” is not quite the right word. You see, half of my pilot gloves live in New York and half in California. The righties here, the lefties there. Whichever hand is uncovered tells me which side of the Atlantic I’m on. – It’s a very complicated mnemonic device. – Kiran
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS MARATHON
Verdell! My elf challenges your demon to a duel! But first, I’m going to roll this 50,000 sided die to get the Fire of Zynth to defeat your demon’s…Water Cooling Filtration Unit? Whaaaaa? That’s your demon’s secret weapon? – Kiran
Hey Zebbie! ‘Hand Banana’ should release an iTunes-only single! A duet! …With Steve Perry? No….Mmmm…How ’bout a duet with Lindsay Lohan? She’s really talented and an extraordinary performer. – Huh? Well, what did you think I was going to say? …You’re mean Zebbie. – Kiran
HIP HOP DOJO
Russell! Let’s commence to – wait for it – ‘drop it like it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot’! – Kiran
Dilemma: Are play dates with girls worth the cooties? – Kiran
Did you know Elmo trained for the Tour de France at the Shaolin Monastery in Ulan Bator where he was the reigning Supreme Warrior? Elmo’s last showdown, a duel-to-the-death with Nebraska, left the cornhusker state covered in scratch-n-sniff stickers and Jean Claude Van Damme ‘Blinding Dust’. – Kiran
