No – Big Bird is not writing a fictional account about celebutantes. He is actually writing a book in response to Chandra Mohanty’s theory that Western feminism problematically constructs Third World women as the pejorative “other” and the discursive colonial habits that keep women oppressed. In unrelated news, I just bought a roast beef sandwich from Panera. It came with a pickle and early reports are suggesting the presence of chips. Story developing… – Kiran
I just overheard that Big Bird is writing a book about the travails of richy-rich debutantes. I’ve never written a book of fiction so I’m not in any real position to cast criticism, but that sounds like a pretty terrible premise. Where are the ninjas and the pirates and the evil doomsday-machines? I’m sure a story about spoiled kids drinking booze and buying Ferraris has potential, but if Big Bird really wants to take this thing seriously he should consider adding in some robots. A recent poll in Newsweek said that books with robots were 100% better than books without robots.* – Shaan
*Note: I didn’t bother to actually check Newsweek so this poll may or may not exist. I just assumed it did because it makes so much sense. Robots are awesome.
People already know what flavor I would be if I was an ice cream flavor.* – Shaan
*Answer: Cutey Coiffed Candy Corn
Some people are going to say that this is just a poorly-shot photo of me with dilated “crazy eyes”. Actually, this look is completely intentional. It’s my defensive “fake” smile. I whip it out like a stealthy ninja when:
1. My local Dunkin Donuts has run out of glazed donuts;
2. My girlfriend Kristine decides to have a five-hour conversation about throw pillows;
3. I’ve been ingesting health-endangering levels of candy corn all day; or
4. I am being tortured (Read: Kristine wants to go to Pottery Barn. Again.)
VIDEO OF THE DAY
I don’t care about the Civil War. At all. I never think about it, unless someone – usually a Southerner – brings it up. It’s like the South is some bitter ex-girlfriend whining about a breakup from 100 years ago. It scares me that the South actually feels like it should have won. I mean, if it won, then slavery would still be around. Why aren’t Southerners happy they lost? Okay, I suppose we’re all sorry about Sherman and breaking up Rhett and Scarlet. But still – let it go already. – Shaan
Some people think that Iron Maiden were a bunch of British dudes with a penchant for spiked gauntlets and rad album covers. While that is technically accurate, most people overlook the fact that Iron Maiden also does a fine job covering historical conflicts like “The Battle of Abraham Lincoln vs. George Washington” and “The Robotech Wars”. – Kiran
Today, Mom and I made a meteor with my science kit. But just as soon as I completed making my space rock, it told me it needed to go immediately to New York because it wants to marry another rock. – Kiran
VIDEO OF THE DAY
