Why am I consoling Shaan? Someone ate the last Toaster Strudel. He spent the last two weeks saving ten icing packets in his pillowcase and I cannot stress how important it was to him. – Kiran

I’m almost 90% positive I’m stealing this pose from Moses. Or was it Noah? – Shaan

VIDEO OF THE DAY

VIDEO OF THE DAY

Shaan just found out that McDonald’s is bringing back the McRib for a limited time only. I had to book him a grief counselor. “Limited time?” Come on McDonald’s! – Kiran

My girlfriend Abbey has been having some protracted arguments with her parents about her attire lately. Personally, I believe this has simply been a case of horrible wardrobe choices. And by horrible wardrobe choices I mean she’s been duct-taping bags of marshmallows to the inside of her outfits.* – Shaan

*“Tell me I can’t pick out my own clothes. I’ll show them.” *TAPE* “Yeah, this is hot….”

 

Megatron broke up with his long time girlfriend Fabulous Maximus. Again. Us Weekly is reporting that their work schedules drove them apart. C’mon, Us Weekly – where’s your journalistic credibility? If you wanted street cred, you could’ve just said she’s tired of Megatron blowing their money on solid gold salsa dishes and pretending to live in The Matrix. – Shaan

Today’s post goes out to Big Bird: I am sorry for fighting with you yesterday, but you are such an irritating imbecile no mortal human being could have handled the situation differently. Again, I am sorry that you are an insufferable halfwit and that I did not have the tolerance of Buddha to deal with you. I handled it poorly, maybe if I was in a coma or cognitively impaired, I could have acted differently. Sorry. – Shaan

SMILE OF THE DAY

VIDEO OF THE DAY