Kiran and Shaan's World

Yesterday evening I had the opportunity to ask prominent astrologer Hiroko Yoda what’s in my horoscope for the coming weeks. Apparently, I’m going through a Saturn/Pluto double whammy. Transiting Saturn is aspecting Pluto and transiting Pluto is aspecting Saturn. So, this is a time of change. Although this period will be difficult, Hiroko insists the result will be deep and lasting personal growth. Awesome! See? It’s all going to be OK; my horoscope said so. – Shaan

The stock market is down another 300 points today?! How am I ever going to be able to afford that sweet loft with the trampoline and the Coke machines and the older girlfriend and the magic fortune telling machine? – Kiran

HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN CELEBRITY RUMOR by Shaan Thakur

celeb + non-sequitur = “Celebrity Rumor”

A few sample rumors: Megatron sells quilted sunglasses on eBay. Malibu Stacy uses hair extensions*. Teddy Ruxpin capitalizes all his verbs. (“Because when I Do something, like Clean out the hair in the shower drain, it Deserves a capital letter. I Am famous.”)

* Actually, that one’s true

Today is our third consecutive day of rainy weather. And that means everyone everywhere is feeling introspective and pensive. Russell is plummeting further and further into a funk, Elmo is singing the song in his head that he’s been singing, louder and louder, for the past few days (“Shades of Gray”) and Shaan walked outside and felt the crisp February air on his face. And somewhere inside gears turned as matter shifted and molecules rearranged, imperceptible at first, as it always is. – Kiran

Watch out ladies! Today I am smelling like a combination of Axe body spray and testosterone. Muy macho! – Shaan

Sometimes, the hardest thing about blogging is coming up with something to say every day. Although some of my posts are about the inconsequential minutia of day-to-day life, the real purpose is to talk about “The Eternal Questions”. Like, for instance: What is Truth? Who is God? What’s the cause of thumb wars? Is heat vision a microwave-based superpower? Discuss. – Shaan

Kiran supports any technology that can improve upon the human form. Did you know he’s already had a magnet installed in his finger that lets him feel electricity going through phone cords and his laptop? And here I am, like a sucker, stuck with only taste, touch, sight, hearing and smell. I want a sixth sense too. Maybe like, chick magnetism? – Shaan

What is everyone up to today? I am renovating my closet (The good news: I’ll have more space for my Ugg boots collection. The bad news: We will have one less bathroom.), Elmo is filming a three part documentary about saliva users and Shaan’s walking around the house in Burberry trunks to illustrate his knowledge of plaid. – Kiran

Old school commercials that integrated celebrity rapping with hip hop dancing are an excruciating reminder that some musical collaborations are not meant to be. It’s ill-conceived creative promotions like these that prompted me to specifically write “No rapping promo appearances”-language into all of my contracts. – Kiran

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible? I’ve actually been giving this a lot of thought. Maybe I could snap my fingers and be instantly dressed and my hair automatically styled. That would be a great superpower. It might not change the world, but it would help me a lot. Because, you know, the hair takes some time. – Shaan