Kiran and Shaan's World

How does Kiran dress when he wants to look like: A) an eighteen month old and B) a sixty-two year old, when he wants to get a discount at the movie theater? When he’s going for the young look, he trades out his Marc Jacobs shades for heart-shaped Lolita glasses, rolls his jean shorts up a couple inches and sucks on a lollipop. When he’s trying to pass for sixty-two, he takes off his headband that’s holding back all of his wrinkles, buttons up his coat and hunches over. It’s simple but surprisingly successful. – Shaan

Have you met Apu’s new dog, Robitussin? Apu got a lot of flack about the name at first, but honestly I don’t know what people are freaking out about. Nine out of ten doctors recommend Robitussin; it’ll not only get rid of your cough but also that annoying congested feeling you sometimes get. – Shaan

SMILE OF THE DAY

I’m hearing today that the Wall Street meltdown was further hobbled by Halloween speculators who used the holiday as a marketing opportunity to lure hapless investors into buying worthless Candy Corn futures. Thank God I put my money into motorized lollipops. – Kiran

This afternoon the legendary Shamu gave a rousing performance at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion singing songs from his self-titled album OOEEAAOOAARAAOGHGUOAAG!! It was kind of like listening to Tiny Dancer. Shamu himself is in fact something of a tiny dancer – dainty, but full of brio. – Kiran

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Everyone acts like they’re too cool or too old to enjoy Halloween — and that’s total nonsense. Halloween is the most awesome holiday of the year. You get to dress-up, run around the streets and you get candy. Yay Halloween! – Kiran

So we all know that this Halloween there will be a million people dressed as Sarah Palin – snooze. But some of us plan to be a little more inspired. Elmo is dressing up as Amy Winehouse, Russell is dressing up as a “sad investment banker” and Verdell is going to drink 20 Redbulls and go as Mad Money host Jim Cramer. What will I be dressed as, you ask? Come by tomorrow to find out. – Kiran

Earlier today, Shaan and I went and observed the last-minute lunch break costume shoppers outside the big Halloween store near Albertson’s. Everyone was either a “pirate” or a “sexy [insert any profession here]”. These uncreative people are terrible and should be shunned. Where did the creativity go? – Kiran

HAPPY DIWALI EVERYONE!

Four years into their mission to explore the surface of Mars, NASA’s twin Mars rovers deserve a complete tune-up, lube job and a date with the machinery of their choice when they return from space. It’s the least we can do after they discovered Martians and all. – Shaan