Kiran and Shaan's World

A DAY AT GYMBOREE

Here I am with Po-Po planning our vacation in Vancouver next week. I’m so excited I’m already on mental vacation. – Kiran  

HAPPY LEIF ERICKSON DAY

Like the rest of the country, we’re taking the day off with our Nordic friends Oluf, Dagh, Finn, Ingi, Jorn, Jarls, Sven, and Gorm to eat Royal Norwegian Fiddle-Faddle, celebrate Swedish modular furniture and listen to Viking Metal. “Sjøø Hjørste Früden de Gooste Boodne Oonde oot te Fæbbe Sjørt-Fÿrste de Børnd” everyone! – Kiran

BLOGS

It’s official. Everyone has a blog. Here’s a handy guide to who is interested in what and how they’ll write about it in their blog: 

1. Mom likes stuff about anthropometric techniques and how the ladies are oppressed by the patriarchy. She will write with strident wit;
2. Dad is all about taxonomically categorizing obscure indie bands and consumer electronics. He will use many words which you will have to look up in the dictionary;
3. Zebbie is interested in celebrity shenanigans. He is also interested in finding a new job. One that involves receiving or dispensing Fun-Size Snickers;
4. Elmo tosses off whatever falls out of his brain, often without regard to spelling or logical conclusions; and  
5. Russell is a master at examining the intersection of class and culture. Expect many exclamation marks.

After a brief mess with Coast Guard officials, Dad was permitted to head into the water and rowed a 600-lb. pumpkin across the lake to promote Halloween Awareness Month. – Kiran  

Playing with water fountains is possibly the most fun activity. The basic objective is to wet those who wish to remain dry and ignore those who wish to be wet. Bonus points for splashing cars just out of the car wash or with open windows. Supplies: water fountain and people who don’t want to be wet. – Kiran

When I drive, I treat traffic laws like traffic suggestions or hints. On the street they call me Mr. Traffic Vigilante. – Kiran  

ON DATING

How was the “Natural Selection Speed Dating” event last night? Well, the first girl I met was Giselle, 20 mos. She’s a freelance events coordinator. (So Giselle, “Are you into Gymboree?” “I’m into Christ!” Giselle replies. Mmmm, Christ is okay, but that’s like answering “Would you like cheese on your burger?” with “No, I’d prefer Christ.” It doesn’t actually make sense.) The next girl I met was Jessica, 16 mos. She’s an artist who lives in Manhatten Beach. (She believes: “As a female, you have one of two choices: You can be taken advantage of, or you can take the upper hand and use it as an advantage.”) Yikes! Can’t I just met a girl who wants to listen to The Doodlebops together, have brunch at TGIF and maybe some picnics in the park? – Kiran

WHAT I HAVE REGRETTABLY PURCHASED WHILE ON VACATION

1. An authentic William Shatner hairpiece circa Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan; 2. A large equity stake in Planet Hollywood; 3. The Battle of the Bionic Booger: Revenge of the Ridiculous Robo-Boogers DVD; and 4. A pair of white denim cutoffs. – Kiran   

Have you met my friend Super Fred? After a series of unfulfilling jobs in mime performance, African tribesmanship, crunk gangsta rap, and publishing – Super Fred finally settled happily into the career he was destined for: ergonomics expert. – Kiran