Kiran and Shaan's World

SMILES OF THE DAY

HAPPY AUGUST HEAT WAVE

Guess what? It’s heat-wave season! Triple-digit weather and power outages are expected across the county this week. How do I plan to stay cool? Chillaxing in the tub with my friends:

This is Cham. Last winter, Cham wanted a hat made out of raincoats so his hair would never get wet but it was too hard for him to sew, so instead, he made a hat out of his regular hair.

Some people mistake Attoosa’s lackadaisical demeanor for laziness. In reality, while laying at the bottom of the tub – sometimes for hours at a time – she’s perfecting the purring and clucking of her favorite made-up animal the “KittyChicken.”

During the holidays, Flatow likes to adorn his lawn with sparkly lights and a giant menorah made of seashells.

As many of you know, this is Lightening McQueen. In the winter months, Lightening moonlights as a cruise director for the Barbie Cruise Ship. Everyone snickers when they hear this. But all joking aside, Lightening runs a pretty tight ship – at last year’s Hawaiian Luau he made Secret Style Barbie sit near the kitchen for wearing shoes from DSW.

I’m not sure what font Marty used for the inscription on his shell – it looks like a cross between the Hubba Bubba font and the font I’ll just refer to as the “Universal Mall Kiosk Airbrush For Unusually Large T-Shirts” font.

In the summer, Reggie lives on a baronial estate on the highest San Franciscan hill, surrounded by Bengal tigers trained by the holiest Tibetan shamans. He can usually be found by following the procession of seventy peacocks that proceeds him.

SMILE OF THE DAY

Now that the banks have been bailed out Americans need to get down to the real issues: buying skinny jeans. We must all buy skinny jeans or the jeans industry will totally collapse. Skinny jeans are quite literally the only thing keeping fashion afloat in these times of garbage bag dresses and cardboard crate hats. Of course, my skinny jeans require spandex because my calf muscles are gargantuan enough to fry an egg on. Omelet, anyone? – Shaan

What keeps the space-time continuum from collapsing? Galaga-like spaceships that shoot down constellations of multi-colored pixels. Although, I should probably test that theory. For, uh, science. – Shaan

My stomach clenched the moment I read that Thurston – star of “Psychic Kitty” – did not forsee his own diagnosis of inoperable cancer. I have to be honest with you: I am genuinely bummed. I’m sort of a “crazy cat lady” dude myself, and also, death is sad. Everyone, let’s all take a moment to cherish the cats and psychics in our lives today, okay? – Kiran

THE POST-BUMMING PHASE OF RECESSIONGATE

Lately it feels as though the recession has splintered us into various discordant, competing groups: Fatties vs. Slims, Frenchies vs. Mair-cans, Foodies vs. Consumer of Vast Quantities of Food…you get the picture. How did this happen? You’d have to be some sort of Rain Man genius to know for sure. But let it be noted on the record that I’m first in line for some of that sweet bailout money in ’10. – Kiran

A TYPICAL DAY WITH SHAAN

I usually wake up around 6:30 am, pull on my favorite pair of skinny jeans and photograph myself surrounded by a minimum of four mirrors in varying sizes and shapes. I like to affix no less then 3 temporary tattoos on my forearms which I flex to the beat of Queen’s “We Will Rock You”. I jam with a hardcore band on Saturday nights and DJ on the weeknights. Every other Tuesday, I wear a handlebar mustache which is merely for ironic effect. Most days I fold clothes part-time at American Apparel. – Shaan

This is my new friend. His name is Angier Biddle Duke, which means he is either: 1) angry, 2) an invention of Oscar Wilde or 3) compensating. – Shaan

A DAY AT THE PARK