Kiran and Shaan's World

Fozzie Bear does so much good with his fame. He’s almost like Bono, except his accent is more rustic than Irish. But sometimes, Fozzie’s fame is put towards evil uses, like spam. Fozzie’s name makes a lot of people click on emails. Reportedly some 11.3% of all worldwide daily email traffic contains Fozzie’s name in the subject line. Think “Fozzie naked,” “Fozzie nude movie,” or “Fozzie naked video”. – Kiran

Don’t you just hate it when you’re surrounded by smarmy, know-it-all PhDs who give you only the vaguest instructions and then expect you to master the intricacies of biotechnology overnight? Now I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure if we’re going to genetically create a soy chicken using fancy molecules like NaCl, H₂O and NaHCO₃, a dash of C₂H₅OH never hurts. – Kiran

What makes for an appealing restaurant? The dinner mints they leave with your bill. But after that, it comes down to design and amenities. Also, I like windows and brick. Lots and lots of brick. – Shaan

Quick! Meet me out back! And grab some juice boxes. Somebody drank all mine. *hic* – Shaan

BAD HAIR DAY

No man is perfect. Even the sexiest, most cleverest, and charm-oozing among us put on their perfectly tailored pants one leg at a time and have their bad hair days. The thing is; you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have it – the facts of life. Truer words have rarely been spoken. – Kiran

POST-NEW YEAR’S EVE ROUNDUP

OMG….I absorbed so many fruity cocktails last night, I don’t even know what happened. Let’s see, I vaguely recall swirling lights, disco balls and guys with shimmer-shirts fist pumping the air and yelling “You da man! No! You da man!”. But you know, now that I think of it, I also vaguely remember telling that cute girl with the emo glasses about that time I peed my pants, going around topless and I might have cried at one point. Oh God I can never, ever see any of those people ever again. – Kiran

You know, as I’ve been sitting here writing and posting all day, I’ve been wondering where we’re gonna go this New Year’s Eve to get our “freak on”. This has been a slow day and I’ve been distracted by thoughts of “the party,” and where “it’s at.” Lord knows “the party” is the single most important thing on New Year’s Eve and if you don’t know where “it’s at” then you’re pretty much out of luck. Thankfully, I now know where “the party is at.” (Psst-psst…over there…house party at the Potatoheads.) – Kiran

Last night, I made a list of my New Year’s resolutions because I’m feeling listless and, hence, lazy — and list-making is the lazy way to write. So to pass the time, here is everyone’s New Year’s resolutions for 2009:

Dad: To embody the spirit of solar gypsies traveling on a caravan of discovery (“Wait, seriously Dad? Because that was my first New Year’s resolution, to embody the spirit of solar gypsies. The caravan was totally optional.”)
Mom: To engage in more compulsory joy
Kiran: To post fewer fluff pieces and obfuscatory filler posts on Kiran’s World
Russell: To use fewer words like “obfuscatory”
Elmo: “To host an extra special episode of Sesame Street where I get to snap my fingers and say “Oh, no, he di’int” at the end of every scene.”
Shaan: Find more time to be delicately massaged with $100 dollar bills
Apu: “Who do I need to talk to about laser hair removal?”

By smushing together two different colored clumps of Play-Doh and Moon Sand I have managed to create a completely new form of matter. I call it “Teniscus Turchicus “. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I fully expect it to win a Nobel prize. No, wait, make that two Nobel Prizes. And a Pulitzer. Yeah, one of those. – Kiran

VIDEO OF THE DAY

Today’s “Video of the Day” depicts a cameraman’s epic struggle between filming my great mandibular strength or zooming in on my muscular finger cleavage. Think Spartacus but without all the acting and plot. – Shaan

[Editor’s Note: Remember to turn on your volume.]